Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
