We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
