Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
