Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
