white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
