too bad you live with your parents still
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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