he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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