Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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