Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
