You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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