If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
