your thong is hanging out like whoa
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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