I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
