one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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