I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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