like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
