Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
