but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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