what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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