Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
