that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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