I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
