The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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