I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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