Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
