Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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