id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
