So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need to stop coming to work sober
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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