the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
