ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
