just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
