I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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