Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
