VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
