did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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