how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
