my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When are your genitals available?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
