Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
