Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
