I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
