at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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