Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love you. Go after that dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
