just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
