very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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