Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
