i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
