im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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