she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
