How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They took my balls.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
