it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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