You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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